Saturday, December 31, 2016
Friday, December 30, 2016
Wednesday, December 28, 2016
Tuesday, December 27, 2016
Monday, December 26, 2016
Saturday, December 24, 2016
Friday, December 23, 2016
Thursday, December 22, 2016
Wednesday, December 21, 2016
Tuesday, December 20, 2016
Monday, December 19, 2016
Sunday, December 18, 2016
Saturday, December 17, 2016
Friday, December 16, 2016
ARE YOU THE LOVER?
(Discover Your Passion Signature™)
Excerpt from The Passion Principle by Donna LeBlanc, M.Ed., NYMHC
What’s Your Passion Signature?
People use five signature styles to express passion and seek fulfillment: the Lover, the Creator, the Warrior, the Visionary, and the Prophet. We’ll be exploring these passion signatures individually in the next five chapters. Each has specific evolutionary gifts that are used to open to and reveal the love force within us, and each also has specific survival strategies that are used as closures, for self-protection. Most of us tend to flip back and forth between our more evolved, higher-minded, life-loving selves and our selves that seem to operate mostly through knee-jerk reactions provoked by fear. Unfortunately, at the time we respond in a habitual way, it usually appears to make perfect sense.
On a good day, we’re resilient, open-minded, and able to cope emotionally with the challenges that life hands us. But on bad days, or in tough circumstances, watch out! Then we’re up to our old tricks and games! Since the fearful self seems to sabotage every aspect of our daily lives, romances, and career objectives—always in the same ways—we begin to cycle and recycle through similar events. Our higher nature can’t win for losing. Despite having incredible dreams, aspirations, and potential, we keep stubbing our toes.
Do you experience any unfulfilling patterns, such as the following, in your life? You want a new job, but end up staying in the old one because it’s safe. You want love, but shrink from it when it stares you in the face. You are a gym rat who runs for the hills at the first sign of intimate connection. You are a spiritual seeker who can’t pay your rent.
You are a therapy junky who stumbles endlessly over the same mental garbage. You have potential and dreams that never seem to come true. Oppositional patterns such as these ones are signs that, on some level, fears are running your life. You are locked in place.
So what’s in your recycling bin? Let’s start with a brief self-inventory.
The Lover/The Vamp
As the Lover, your passion is connection, the intimacy of giving and receiving. Whether you are sharing your gifts and talents with the world at large, or you are having a one-on-one relationship with a lover, a friend, a family member, or a co-worker, you enjoy fusing your essential being with everything in life. That’s what gives your life meaning. Connecting with other people makes you feel grounded, secure, needed, valued, supported, happy, good about yourself, comforted, and loving.
You shine in relationships, and you thrive on them. Since love is the main focus of your life, when you’re not in a romantic relationship, you’re probably looking for one. But you can also honor the choice to be solo, if that gives you room to develop your gifts and talents. When you do decide to have relationships, of the five passion signatures, you are the most comfortable of any about getting close. At your best, you are enormously nurturing to your friends, family, lovers, and mates. You were born to participate in a loving, committed, and fulfilling relationship, which can serve as the backdrop of your entire life. You can teach others how to love and “do” intimacy. Many people crave loving connection, but fear what comes to you so naturally. When the Lover is in bloom, you light up the world. Your enthusiasm, creativity, charisma, and openness make you irresistible. Your glow ignites the glow in others and helps them grow into their full potential. That’s why you are wonderful person to know and love.
But, as the day is followed by the night, your glow casts a shadow. At your worst, you are an energy vampire, an over-connecter who fuses with a grip that can be intensely smothering. As the Vamp, you can be desperately needy, self-centered, and depleting. In anger, you can whip up a storm and strike out with lethal words, wanting to hurt those who have hurt you. You can burn out the people in your life with drama after drama.
Vamps can be very charismatic and sexy. When they turn their attention in your direction, they can charm the pants off you. As long as the experience lasts, you’ll feel as though you are the most brilliant, fascinating creature in the universe. The trouble is, it may not last long. As soon as they’ve got you hooked, they are likely to move on to greener pastures because Vamps are attracted to the unavailable. Deep inside, they feel unworthy; therefore they don’t want to be members of any team that would have them. Lovers have a special talent for intimacy, but until they learn how to be self-nurturing and to give without expecting something in return, they often use moments of connection to feed off the energy of others. They seduce you so that you’ll validate them in the mistaken belief that this gives them an identity. Sadly, they often don’t know how beloved and wonderful they are. At best, they are empathetic, generous, and loving. But wounded Lovers, Vamps, are endlessly searching for praise, so like junkies they’re always looking for the next hit. Vamps don’t allow themselves to feel the love you’re giving them.
If these words seem a bit harsh, just remember that the Vamp is only the unhealed aspect of the Lover. Every signature has light and dark qualities. We all have our share. That’s part of the human experience. To deny our extremes doesn’t serve anyone.
Since almost everyone had a combo platter of passion signatures dished up for us, including the Lover/Vamp, remember that any finger I’m pointing in this book is aimed at me too.
The Lover’s passion for connection develops from emotional wounds incurred during infancy. At this age, the mother is the source of everything to the child. Babies literally feed off the energy of their mothers in this stage of development. Research has shown that underprivileged infants who are raised in orphanages without the constant touch and love that a mother would give them fail to thrive. Children need a mother’s attention to develop a sense of self, and a sense of self-worth, just like they need mother’s milk. She is life, safety, and love. If the mother is able to meet her baby’s needs, the baby moves on to the next stage of development. But if the baby’s needs for nurturing are not met easily and lovingly—perhaps because the mother is nervous, ambivalent, scared to breastfeed, or working too much to breastfeed—the baby gets “frozen” between the ages of 0 to 18 months. Emotionally, Vamps in adulthood are much like babies, waiting to receive energy, love, and permission to live, love, and contribute to the world. They don’t truly believe they matter or have worth (else, wouldn’t we shower them with love?) and they fear abandonment, the loss of a caretaker. To persuade others to meet their needs and end their sense of yearning, they’ve learned to be sneaky and seductive.
Throughout their lives, Vamps seek fusion in their relationships—much like a baby fuses with the energy of its mother—to compensate for an early lack of nurturing, and to protect them from similar pain. The ironic twist is that the addiction is to yearning after—not actually to having what they say they want. Confronted, they initially deny this.
However, once Vamps are old enough to have lived through several patterns repeatedly they begin to see that it is the truth. Underneath, the baby that got stuck somewhere a long time ago imprinted the feeling that “I am not good enough to receive the love I crave. I yearn for it. But if it shows up I must push it away and go after the person, job, or situation that remains illusive.” That’s the Vamp’s love map.
If you are the Lover, the part of you that is frozen in babyhood doesn’t realize that YOU are the source. This tiny fragment of your whole being is eternally searching for sources outside you from which to draw love. When the Vamp part of you is activated and running your life, you will use your energy to attach to others and pull on their energy. You feel endlessly needy. Nothing is ever enough. Your sense of self comes from your object of affection. Your singular fixation on this person feels engulfing, because it is like the obsession of a small child for its mother. Think of how small infants behave when separated from their mothers for any length of time. Even if they love you, they probably won’t stick around for this forever, because it’s unpleasant. As adults, nobody can provide energy endlessly to another or give them a sense of self for very long. Therefore, it is up to you, the Lover, to help the frozen baby fragment to grow up. As an integrated person—one who has done the necessary work—you can fulfill your needs very well and have tremendous, delicious gifts for relationship. You know instinctively how to do intimacy and how to fuse appropriately with another in love.
As a part of standing on your own and supporting yourself, you must also develop your talents, gifts, and abilities, and begin to share those with the world. The Lover has many talents. You are in greatest harmony when you are in any relationship that involves a genuine exchange of energy, emotion, ideas, time, and attention. But relationships do not always involve sex.
By the way, we all have aspects of the Lover in us, although some more than others. There’s no shame in it. Infancy is a vulnerable stage of life when we are still so wide open to the world that we are extremely sensitive to wounding. If you are a Lover, it may interest you to know that as soon as you become aware of your less than desirable Vamp tendencies, they are perhaps the easiest patterns to resolve. Connection lights your fire and inspires you, whereas Vamp energy seeks a host to feed off of and hinders true connection. So embrace the passion! Your gifts as the Lover will enable you to have exactly what you desire most—romance, friendship, community—as soon as you integrate them with the wholeness at your core.
by Donna LeBlanc
Donna LeBlanc's website: www.DonnaLeBlanc.com
Thursday, December 15, 2016
Contact Me: KathryKeatingKay@gmail.com